I hate thinking negative thoughts that give myself anxiety attacks. Then I have to hold my breath till I can breathe again. I know that sounds insane too. But its like self sabotage. If that makes sense. Then I’m stuck pretending I’m not losing it on the inside.
I wonder where I am. In life I mean. So many people I went to school with and knew for so long are getting married, starting families, and even buying homes. Its not that I envy their lives, it just makes me do a reality check. Its OK to want the typical “American dream”. I am after all a white girl who didn’t stop playing with Barbies until I was 14, and thought I was a Disney princess.
I guess it just makes me want more. I want a stable life with a place to call home and people who care about me waiting there. Idk. There’s so much in my head but I don’t know how to express it. I guess this is growing up..